Thursday, April 30, 2009

Let it roll baby....

Oh the bloody hormones...

Ladies & gentlemen, if you're still here... May I suggest this is the best time to quit reading and resume more meaningful activities.


The longer I stay away from this page, the heavier the price. Jerry Maguire... you know the movie... to be exact the movie you see to see Tom Cruise smile and block out the sun. I was just watching that ... he left a job because it led him to a place where he felt he didn't belong. I was wondering why do people laugh at those who stand out and say - Hey... I quit since I don't belong here. Do people really want security so much that they never once look inside and check if all is well. Do people get uncomfortable with themselves? I think I already know the answer. I know some people who'll tell me - Oh comon... its just a movie. I heard that when I said something about Atlas Shrugged to my friends. So I stopped saying a few things.

I thought about this - whats wrong with expressing how you feel. Why is it such a social taboo. I think its unfortunate that we don't see people do that at work or even outside. Its so cool to be always in control that even if one feels raging passion, don't say it! Think something should be done differently, keep quiet, sit down. I find that suffocating to say the least.

Besides the bullshit above, I sadly came to a conclusion - and yes unfortunately I am as usual the last one to arrive at that!

I don't know what I want.

Everyone around me is telling me that something is wrong and I have been in denial.

You know the feeling where you want a good scrub so that whatever it is, gets washed away!

I realise I am pretty slow to reality checks!

For now... confusion prevails.

Good night!

And if you are still reading this..... well... I love you!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Things to remember

I would like to remember this:

It is the sign of a strong mind that can listen without agreeing or disagreeing, neither accepting nor rejecting.

My High Mountain

Everything is linked to everything else. You really need to sit on top of a really high mountain to get away from it all. Isolation is something that can only be created temporarily. you know like the thermos walls that keep the coffee hot. As long as normalcy prevails, you have to pay the price for it. Sometimes that price is discomfort. But I am comfortable with discomfort right now. Why? Maybe because it brings with it a strange isolation where only you and the problem exist. So basically that means I am sitting waiting for the problem to go away on its own. Not a very intelligent move I might add.

The better part of the entire deal is that I can find the high mountain right here right now. Its a state of mind and I know perfectly well that I can get there if I work on it.

Today for some very reasonable reasons (!) I was thinking of barriers. You know the ones not made up of physical things. The ones that exist between the ears. I was looking at some one while he was sharing something that showed a glimpse of his perception of the world. His basic assumption was that the world is a certain way. He was wrong in his assumption. Which is fair. But I was astonished about his lack of openness to a different reality. And then it dawned on me - aren't we just mirrors. I can recognise something if I've seen it before.

And then again, even if people change, they do go back often to who they used to be and then come back again as some one new yet again. And so it goes. People often want a guarantee of words. I am afraid I can't give that. But I am like them too.

So I say - Its time to go to the mountain.

Isolate Isolate Isolate....... and float away!