Thoughts Quotes and More

There is a pause between me and a blank page and in this case the "create post" window. I have often been disturbed by something that doesn't really surface but yet lurks behind in my mind. It doesn't translate into words so I can do something about it. Life does exist in greys.

It occurred to me that I should perhaps not be disappointed when thoughts don't come through as words for me to put on my blog or journal. When I get frustrated by my apparent failure I ignore what happens in that pause. The impregnated pause that makes me pick my thoughts, examine them, turn them over in my mind to see what lies beneath them and to discover a feeling or two.

I read quotable quotes religiously in the sunday paper. Very thought provoking. So thought provoking that I thought to myself - watching a route chalked out on a map is quite different than travelling and discovering it by experience. A quotable quote is like that. Someone else's lived through wisdom. I may have read hundreds but how many did I arrive at? Perhaps only a handful. So my life is enriched only by a handful of these truths. What we read.. we often forget. Chances of forgetting are drastically low when one goes through the experience of arriving at a conclusion which when quoted goes into the sunday papers' Quotable quotes. I would like to arrive at these conclusions... as many as possible.

The mind is free but the body is enslaved by the elements that put it together. It responds to the immediate surroundings. Its a fine balance between the two - the mind and the body. Some days I experience myself being tilted to one in comparison to another. For neither my mind nor my body are bound to me.

The most endearing of truths are simple and not complicated. The source of happiness that I seek is always available to me. It lies with me but am I capable to deal with it? Today I feel a certain calm inside. A leveling of thoughts. A subsiding of feelings that are often in turmoil. I can enjoy it better when I know for certain that this balance will not last. Its here right now for me and I should live in the moment. Its a liberating feeling. The noise around and the constant pressure of everyday life blocks out that inner guiding voice. The voice that constantly whispers to you and tells you what you truly want.

Several years ago the first time I laid my eyes on the famous "No Fear" logo on a car; I said to myself - what is this? Now when I see it. I see it in completely different light. My relationship with fear is rather personal you see. I have found myself a constant companion of fear. It took me maybe twenty six years to realise this one truth about myself. It took me more time to realise that until you find it, you can't deal with it. And then to realise that even though I try to face my usual fears, I fail quite often. I also realise that I feel on top of the world whenever I have conquered any one fear of mine - For instance the fear of intimacy or the fear of expressing feelings or the fear of appearing idiotic or the fear of being judged and many more (I have a list). And so I never stop trying. In fact its amusing when I realise I am scared of something. For when I found fear, I also found that god was generous with me in courage. So you see, I now understand and respect and admire that logo of "No Fear". In fact I downright love it :-)

Juxtaposition of opposites

There are somethings that exist in twos. It appears as if one won't exist without the other. Opposites joined together. Happiness and sadness. Sometimes one blends into the other and causes feelings unlike anything else. The degree too is matched. When you feel extreme happiness or joy, you also are warned that its absence can cause equally matched grief. Risk takers know that by experience. The greatest of heights risk the greatest of falls. One is meaningless without the other.

I ponder over a few thoughts. Questions mostly? The kinds that stir you and sit there watching you think. One is that if one has the capacity to hold on to truth come what may, will that person also carry the courage and capacity to lie if he chooses to?

A person needs courage to succeed? I call it courage because the risk of defeat is involved.

Do things always exist in equal proportions or can one outweigh the other. who knows.

Can a big victory defy a small defeat? A big lie concealing a small truth? Love as opposed to hatred and love as opposed to indifference... what is a better opposite and which is more appropriate?

Why do some people attract me while others put me off? Is it the other person or is it me? Or is it both?

To S..with love

By ee cummings

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)

I am never without it (anywhere I go you go, my dear; and whatever is doneby only me is your doing, my darling)

I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)

I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)

And it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which growshigher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

And this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

The almost perfect weekend

I happen to change the definition of perfect quite often. It being a Saturday I enjoyed getting up late and being served "bed tea" !!!! Last nights' mammoth headache had vanished.. thankfully! For once I told myself... don't be stupid... nobody wrote to you over the past two days... so don't even bother checking your emails... ha!". And so... the next task (and I always have some of em) was to think how many bills are still to be payed. What time does the electricity office close? Which ATM drop box would take the cheques for gas. How much time do I have? Breakfast? not now. Enquiry about the gym? Find out how far is the gym from home? How? Well!! travel there and then you'd know. what about the bills? Idiot! pay 'em on the way. Groceries!!! Buy them from a supermarket near the gym...cool... Ah! weekend! Only so few things to do!!!!!
Anyway... there is nothing like an afternoon nap after a good lunch and a good movie. So off I went to that lovely cozy bed and caught some zzzzzzzzzzz! S is out. Meeting an old friend for lunch. Somehow that lunch got extended to coffee and time pass and she isn't back yet!

I am talking about all this. While the back end processor is on... I don't mean anything other than a remote section of my brain... the one that really screws up my thoughts!

I have recently been advised that one should not speak straight up. Let me explain. Supposed someone at work asks you..what are you doing tomorrow. And you say nothing. and then they say... well then get prepared you are going and meeting so and so since they need our services. And now you can't protest that its a weekend and you don't want to work since you already told them that you aren't doing anything! So basically... you got yourself screwed..simply because you gave a straight answer. Now imagine that someone asks you again... "what are you doing tomorrow" and you say - "why do you ask". They say.."so and so client wants to meet someone from our company since they need our services" and you say.." well I could meet them on Monday". So what is the smart thing to do? Go with the second option. Always! particularly at work.

Anyway..anyway..anyway

Thats it for now. Oh .... and have you seen this flick called "A lot like love".... bit** of a good movie.... !

To Mr.B

I am not a movie buff. I am not crazy about film stars. But off late I am getting to know a legend in a new fashion. His name is a household name. As household a name as the Kissan ketchup bottle that has been around forever or at least 29 years. He writes a blog. Someone told me to check it out saying its a good read. And so I was this casual visitor to his new domain - his blog. I was unprepared for what happened next. How I felt was something like witnessing an intense intelligent process. It was like participating in someones personal transition. Being part of that persons awareness. It was not possible to stay a witness. The sheer honesty of purpose, the grace and dignity reflected through the words chosen caught me off guard. Beauty in things has that effect on me. I am blown to bits. He wrote in complete and unfailing honesty. Straight from his heart to the reader. He did not write for the effect he would have. He just wrote for himself.

I am also wondering about my need to declare that I am not a movie buff. I am just a sucker for beautiful minds, where ever I find them. Intelligence delivered.

Its important that I admit this. Way back when lady Diana died. I cried watching television. And I kept thinking, will this person that we consider a permanent fixture of our house, one day be gone. The answer brought shocked tears. Why. He will probably never read this piece. How can I love this man who reminds me of the ketchup bottle that I love too. (Mr.B, my apologies if you ever read this, I didn't mean to offend by using the kissan ketchup example!).

There are so many individuals out there. What makes one succeed and not the other. I think it applies in every field - conviction, principles, clarity in what our desires are and what we want to do about them, faith, good intentions, courage, integrity are the essential ingredients. And then of course, one has to have an eye on the possibilities that arise out of choices. We are responsible for what we do with the choices we have.

Choice - Wildflowers Vs Ulcers

Was it Gandhiji who wrote - My experiments with truth!

Well...what an apt title for my new book or short story or essay.... oh heck... just a small write up ...but like all good things its already taken...by good ol' GJi

I notice that whenever I am in a new situation, the urge to ape someone else whom I may have seen in a similar spot takes over. So hypothetically speaking- Say I am in conversation with someone in my team. And we have a disagreement on an issue, what are our options.... (1) I recall my first boss five years ago and step into her shoes and then I yell on top my lungs coz I am the boss and get my way (2) I behave like yet another boss and don't even bother about the disagreement and let it go ... coz I don't bother either way. (3) My ego kicks in and I behave exactly like a ***ch that female bosses are anyway made out to be and get my way.

And then there was the last option... (4) to be just me.

Its a scary decision but I was glad I took it. I realise that if you don't work with your team and just like playing boss coz you happen to be, your team will align themselves to that. But if you can shed that picture that bosses don't make mistakes, well... its a lot of fun. Everybody learns together. I also think that you don't really have to be the mystery boss who doesn't share the reason behind their decisions. Its a good thing to share the logic with your team, who knows they might after all come up with a better alternative. I am proud of myself, particularly when I realise that I can handle situational feelings ... anger, frustration, even extreme happiness. Patience is a good thing. Destructive ego - very bad. Keep it in check and you'd steer clear of half the miseries.

The people I work with teach me a lot about myself. They give feedback - verbal, non-verbal.

I recently attended a meeting with a very senior manager at a firm. Ten minutes into the meeting, I realised that I was sitting with all my muscles taut. And I asked myself, what about this person in front of you is making you tense. And suddenly, that changed. It was silly but his designation was scaring me and I could see the other people respond similarly. They were all super attentive and very tense too. I sat back in my chair and just treated him at a human level then on. Funny how designations can elevate people in other peoples minds. I could concentrate more on what I had to say and thattt! I couldn't afford to mess up!

At yet another place I was dealing with an old gentleman from the fauji background. Being from a similar background, I always feel at home with such people. They are the best people to be on a negotiating table with. They have patience. They mostly look at your face when they talk. They treat you like a lady. They usually aren't shrewd. So, here's another insight, for some reason of my own, since I feel comfortable with these people, I automatically am less guarded with them, which means that there is more trust which further means that I bring positive energy to the negotiating table. And the other side can always sense positivity and its usually contagious. So maybe I should practice trusting my opponent a little and see where it goes. hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Atlas needs to shrug

How many times have you done something that you had to muster all of your willpower to do simply because it had to be done. How many times would you have looked at people returning home and released all the weight on your shoulders on a sigh. Does it ever happen to you that you hug a loved one and choke up but know not the reason. Everyday I do at least one task that requires a huge effort and I find so many reasons to prod myself that sometimes I just do it .... without thinking. If this is what growing up was all supposed to be about, I am afraid I am not having too much fun. The party must be happening elsewhere for sure. I am exhausted today in every possible conceivable believable way!Atlas needs to shrug!