Sunday, January 11, 2009

You and the bend in the road


Walked to the end of the road,

And found that was not the end of it.

You stood at that bend in the road,

Smiled and held my hand.

I didn't know it then

But we were walking to that spot

All our lives

From different directions

Those moments were already there

We just arrived at them.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

In search of a new madness


In search of a new madness

Something more important

Than myself

Something that makes the ego sit down in a corner

Madness that makes sanity bearable

A reason deeper than my being

A link

To the me that is yet to be

The me that is still emerging

From the shadows

In search of a madness

Saturday, December 6, 2008

My World Is Smaller Now

Sometimes we think that if we don't look, then its not happening. Some of us won't acknowledge something because if we did and it wasn't right then our conscience won't allow us to sleep. So go on believing that the world is a very big place and all the bad stuff happens to other people. It won't happen to us and that's a desperate hope we live in and deep down we ignore that small little thought that says - you know that's not true. But we bury it and carry on. And then one day, everything changes. We become - the other people.


I had always heard that there are three kinds of people - those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and then those who wonder what happened. Today I understand this as my own thought and not another's wisdom.


The terror attacks in Mumbai have rocked my boat. Hell they've rocked a lot of boats. I have never seen my fellow Indians express their sentiments towards the political atmosphere the way they have. I applaud the relentless media coverage that made the world smaller however, I do feel that there is a difference between reporting facts and reporting facts with judgement. I saw some journalists/ news men become human. Perhaps it was difficult for them too. Hatred when naked can not be ignored. It burns through a lot of things. In India it burnt though cushioned seats of a few politicians.


I read the newspaper cover to cover last Sunday. Devouring the facts. I was curious to know how young men who could've done so much with their lives be convinced to give it all up and to my horror in the name of morality and jihad. A line in the center spread that day caught my eye. A hostage woman at the Oberoi asked her killers - "why are you doing this?" And the answer was - "What did you do? Train mein. Godhra Mein".


Every action has a reaction and what we saw in Mumbai from the night of 26Th of November 2008 until 29Th November 2008 was not an independent action. It was a reaction. It is difficult for me to express myself but I would try. What happened in Gujarat in 2002 should have been stopped. But you see it was happening to someone else. It was not happening in my backyard. I had not lost a loved one. My sisters were not being raped and my mother was not being killed. My father and brothers were not shot. So it was happening to some one else. I am not alone.


Nations at times behave like people. They turn their back on an event in the hope that it would go away. And that's how we contribute to the destiny of our lives. What goes around, comes around. United States turned a blind eye when 800,000 Muslims were executed by the Serbs in Bosnia. The allies didn't stir when millions of Jews were executed in Auschwitz. Children and women sent to gas chambers. Saddam Hussein allowed "Chemical Ali" to carry out genocide and kill innocent civilian Kurds in Iran and the most powerful nations continued to provide financial aid to Iraq. In a lot of cases they even refused to use the term genocide because the United Nations Charter had stated that the world community has to respond to genocide happening anywhere through peace or through force.


Today is the anniversary of the Babri masjid demolition. A day when the fabric of my country changed forever. When the divide became apparent. That was the beginning of a lot of sad things. And it was all done in the name of righteousness. When Muslims avenge their brothers, they kill their brothers too. A bullet knows no religion. We have made the world un-safe for our children.


Shashi Tharoor spoke on NDTV last night during a debate/ discussion with Srinivasan Jain. He said that the middle class in India had left the politicians alone to do whatever they wanted to do. They didn't want to vote. They paid their taxes and hoped against hope that their money (read sweat/ blood) would be put to good use. But 26 November 2008 changed all that. Suddenly the entire middle class sat up and realised that the policy makers have left no room for them to breathe. The policy makers in my country give my police force a wooden stick to combat a terrorist carrying AK-47. The policy makers (read government servant) have left the boundaries of my country porous for infiltrators and smugglers to walk in and out at will. The policy makers get Z category security while I tremble in the 6.00 PM local from Churchgate to Borivali. The policy makers do not educate the children of the poor. They lead farmers to commit suicide. They reward martyrs through money and then forget about them completely. The budget makers do not allocate resources in such a way that a hawaldar's children go to decent schools. Every child has a right to an education and every man has a right to earn a living. My policy makers have robbed my countrymen of even these. An average politicians skin must be as thick as the distance between Sonia Gandhi and LK Advani or the distance between Mr.Kalam and Pappu Yadav. I heard Mrs. Sonia Gandhi was worried about the public anger.


Mrs. Gandhi should know that they twisted everything because they failed us. All of them. As a faceless middle class taxpayer I have been ignored too long. And also, I have been tolerant so far. However, they have changed the rules of the game. Now the Politicians know that they are being watched and closely.


When the anger subsides my thoughts are these - Will I continue to demand that action be taken by someone else or will I get up, roll my sleeves and get going? What can I do and how do I go about it? I know I am not alone and that I will find those who seek the truth and want action taken.


I have a right to better systems in this country and they better listen.


My world is smaller and very connected today. Assam is not too far and neither is Kashmir. I don't want to listen to those who tell me that I am from this region or this religion. I am a good human being and an Indian. And then a Muslim. End of story.


My legal system needs to address the need to keep such individuals who divide us in any name, away from the public. Far away in a locker with no window.

I heard someone quote Martin Luther King - Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

Be the change you want see.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Search

Perhaps I need to visit my country's past in order to understand our present and realistically dream the future.

I want to know what happened in Godhra.

Why did we bring down the babri masjid?

I want to know what led to partition.

I want to know what led to the situtation in Gujarat.

I want to know why Guwahati.

For now there are more questions than answers.

I want to know Kiran Bedi's solutions for better policing.

I want to read MJ Akbar.

I want to know what breeds hatred.

I want to understand why as an Indian Muslim (both words are important) do I feel uneasy these days.

I want to know why the fanatics scare me.

Mumbai and Me - Our ordeal

I can't watch funerals.
I can't understand how a 21 year old gathers the gall to kill people.
I can't imagine the face of that human being who can brainwash shitless kids to do the things that have no forgiveness in any court.
I can't imagine the pain of those who have lost loved ones.
I can't imagine what Rantan Tata must've felt when he walked into his own hotel on this strange Saturday morning.
I can't imagine what Arnab Goswami would've felt when he got off air for the first time after covering the events from Wednesday night to Saturday.
The world around me has changed.... painfully ... and I am scared that we will get back to normal which in my books reads as "Jaded".
I see my fellow countrymen seethe and burn with anger.
I know that as a collective audience we have developed this extreme disgust for politicians.
I know that if they showed a speech by narendra modi or raj thackrey.... I'd throw my television outside the window.
I felt happy to know that the Mrs. Karkare politely refused to meet Mr.Modi and also refused the amount he had offered. (A secondary non-critical thought - why did Mr.Modi offer money to Hemant Karkare's widow. Does he think that Maharashtra Govt. will not do the needful??).


I hold myself responsible for criticising the politicians while avoiding action at any point from my end. What have I done to elect the persons that I'd like elected. Sure there aren't too many to choose from. Why did I not protest when the political circles called Ex-President APJ Kalam "A-Political"? Why did I not stand up and tell Raj Thackrey that you can't win by dividing a state. Why did I allow Narendra Modi to polarise India into Muslims and Non-Muslims? Why do I agree to pay taxes and allow the roads to be full of potholes and trains to be bursting at seams? Why do find relief in being middle class instead of helping others?


I have walked myself to this place. Its up to me to be whoever I want to be and where ever I want to be. Am I willing to be a change agent or would I continue to just react instead of act??

I would like to finish with a small story they covered about this Greek millionaire Andreas Liveras who lost his life at the Taj Mahal Hotel at Mumbai. He wanted to have his curry despite the terror attack that he was well aware was underway. He knew he could die. But the man wanted his curry you see. I think not only did he die rich and happy (hopefully) but he died on a full stomach.

Life is short and that's all we have.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Dear God

Dear God,
This is my prayer tonight:

Let faith be stronger than doubt
& thoughts be clear not clouded
Let courage prevail over fear
Let strength win over weakness
Allow me to hear myself
Allow peace to prevail
Love to prosper
Let there be harmony all around
Give strength to overcome obstacles
Sight to reduce the enormity of problems

Dear god, be with me.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

You & I


Love walks in with sunshine and rain laden clouds
All at the same time

I am drenched
soaked to the bone
Am happy
and content
as dry earth with first rains



A wine glass
filled to the brim
Aroma that escaped the fire
and brought strangers home


Hands and touch

Smooth and rough

Bruise on silk


A long road
A companion
A hand to hold


Hope and dreams
Fear and excitement
Adventure



We come alive
Like life in the seed
Like the forest fire
Like wilderness


The end to one search
An answer
A new road

A new direction


God smiles down
All is well at last!