Power Trips

I have a relatively flat learning curve. I am comparing myself to my own vision of myself as a intelligent superior more evolved person. But there are moments when I am amazed at my own behaviour and the way I handle certain situations. I was recently bullied into doing something that I did not want to do. Was I scared to submit? No. Was I afraid of not being liked for saying no? No way, I got rid of that one some time ago. Shouldn't I have been ripping mad that some F**kwit was trying to threaten me with his influence. Normally that's my usual first reaction. Outrage. Not fear but outrage.

So I did feel outraged. Yes I did want pull this guys entire teeth out of his mouth without anaesthesia.
I know - gross!

But what I am surprised with is that my anger was quickly replaced by my rational brain that was guiding my tongue. I told the chap to take a hike. Told him he is most welcome to carry out his threat. It would be very amusing. This changed his attitude. The tone changed. I made fun of him, laughed and joked about him being crazy to use undue influence. I don't like the fact that I agreed to do what he was asking. My ego took a beating a little bit and this voice in my head says you caved. But I know that this person was taken aback by my challenge. Had he simply requested in the first place I would've done the needful.

Lesson for him - you don't have to threaten people when a simple please does the job.

Lesson for me - Learn to bully the bully and they automatically learn some manners.

I am proud of the fact that I didn't get my rage get the better of me. This could've turned out very differently. But this was good practice for next time when someone comes threatening or throwing their weight around.

My Little Selfish Self

The thing about fears is that they can take you on a jolly good ride and you wont even know you are on it. Pessimists are miserable people for they let their fears take over and predict next ten years of doom with complete confidence.

I have been an ass I realise.

Life will never turn out as worse as I imagine it to be. On the contrary some of my past fears appear so stupid. But then I have forgiven myself for being lost once in a while.

People change when the change brings them comfort or when they feel loved for the change they bring in themselves. At the bottom of it all, we remain utterly selfish in our needs, desires and wants. Love, money, attention, time, praise - I would want everything. And what will I not give to be perceived in a certain manner.

Such an utterly mundane and selfish existence - this - mine!