Thursday, February 26, 2009

Walk in the woods

An old wise man once taught me - if you can link one thing to another, you would know more than the others.

And link I do.

There is undeniable order in the chaos around. At every level and every sphere.

For a long time, I laughed at people who said destiny can't be ignored. I can't ignore the data that is before me. Times are bad. People close to me have lost jobs. I haven't. It would take one meeting in Paris to decide whether or not the Indian subsidiary should continue. That's all. And yet here I am at the end of the month knowing very well that salary is on its way. I could be in anther's pinching shoes but I am not.

I work very hard, so does the lady who cleans my home and does my laundry. And yet, I am employing her services.

When I take stock, I am humbled and overwhelmed by God's kindness. I have done nothing to deserve this good life. At least not yet. Not returned an ounce of goodness back to those who need it the most.

I visualise God as this source of white light (very filmy I know) flashing in my eyes - saying - so kid - hows it going?

This chain of thought started while I was watching the 81st Academy awards on television. A gentleman on receiving the award says - there are four places in the world that I thought I would never get to be at - the moon, the miss world pageant stage, (i forget the third one) and this place as the winner of an academy award. This is unbelievable.

And I thought yeah man - look at Barack Obama - Who would've ever thought. Or AR Rahman.

I realise that I can no longer not believe in the power of imagination, dreams and positive thinking.

I have always been better thinking in pictures rather than words. For a very long time, been thinking what can be the visual symbol of the universe - and for almost twelve years - I keep coming back to a mysterious spherical dot hanging into nothingness.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Moody is here and where the heck are you?

Our world is what we think. One moment I am Bridget Jones in her lonely phase and next I am Sarah Jessica Parker with a full love life. One moment I am destined to be a faceless entity in the crowd and the next moment I am the future - maker (Is that a word??) I am both - an astonishing failure and a sparkling success. I own a yatch and a Bajaj Chetak. I completely understand the universe' mysteries and next moment I am devoid of all earthly sense. I am the unfortunate opposites combined.

The acknowledgement of this power is ..well.. scary. I can spiral downwards or shoot straight up.

I think I am ready for a good scrub.... and wash this mood away.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Soul Food

Soul food..... I cooked some last night. To soothe frayed nerves, to drive out the dirty fumes I inhaled while on my way back from work, to forget the schedule of the coming Monday and also to forget that its going to be a lonely weekend...!

Recently I have hired help to cook for me. I realise I crave to cook... so is it a wise investment of money? Time will tell.
Cooking helps. Other people exercise, talk to others, listen to music, read.... I cook. So what does it help with??? Well for starters, your mind is busy estimating the effect of the ingredients of what you attempt to put together. My creative side also finds an outlet... for example yesterday I decided to mix lemon juice and honey as a flavouring. The taste of the vegetables (sauteed well) was a tingling sweet sour taste that you feel at the sides of the tongue. Colored capsicum was good to look at because you eat with your eyes and your nose before your tongue touches the food. It has to look good. The anticipation of the taste comes next. Actual eating and savoring of the taste is in fact the last step. So yes. I know what cooking does for me. It allows me to have an experience that my work life is devoid of! (I have to do something about that!!)

Earth's edge

I am walking the that is. Walk and reach a strange thing. It was nothing unusual. It was a hole. Bottom was not visible. Darkness was. I was crying because I was alone. I knew that the border of the earth and that bottomless pit was not the only border that I was experiencing. I peered over the edge. Almost about to topple over. At that edge I saw faces inside the darkness. Faces of people who had completed the transition over the edge. I asked - Is there where I will lead myself? The answer was - no! And I felt my body swing away from the edge. I was once more on land - firmly so.

Peering over the edge is not a good experience. I know that that is how others must've felt too. This defining moment has seen many witnesses. That defining moment when you know for sure that you are facing a fork in the road and you have to make a choice.

... But to know what the other would've seen when they arrived at the edge. And then those who fell over... and those like me .. who pulled back.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Loss of happiness

We lost someone very dear. A family friends' son, a friend to me with whom I had spent countless mornings, afternoons, evenings running all over the place. We were toddlers then. Didn't keep in touch as we grew up. But knew of each others progress in life. What was the other upto? Where? etc.. trivia. He was fondly called "Happy". And he always was. I always found him smiling until we fought. He is no longer with us. I haven't met him in over twenty years so why did tears well up?? I hope he is at a better place.

Life is fragile. We spend too much time on stuff thats not important.

I think the most unfair of life's demands is for parents to lose their children. It must be heartbreaking/ devastating.