Little things

A lot of insignificant events make up the larger picture. To quote a few:

1. Meeting this tall slender dashing man in the lift while going to work. I notice he drives a maroonish red car. I don't like the color.

2. Being unsuccessful at avoiding conversation in gym during workout with flabby instructor who forces me to remove my mp3 player ear plugs to listen to his useless banter.

3. Miss mom coz i know she is busy with other people.

4. writing emails to people who don't reply.

5. calling up someone who is rude on the phone but i knew that beforehand and still called.

6. Calling up H when she is in Hyderabad and is busy but risks missing lunch just to talk to me. Bless her!

7. Counting on D to return my dough.

8. Vipassana............i have been thinking about it a lot.

9. NR Narayana Murthy and his style of leadership.

10. J said to me: So and so business mag has a list of most powerful Indian women ...... the youngest is only 37. So .... when will i see u there.......... and i am thinking ....... do i even want to be there? maybe not.

11. whats my willingness to take risks right now. Time seems to be running out......

12. thoughts of coffee and conversation

13. Anger.... and what it does to me. and is still doing to me.

14. being at ease with the pace.

15. a desire to get out of the comfort zones and experience the unknown.

16. trust people......

STAY ...

Stay.....Stay

Stay still

Stay quiet

Stay alive

This moment is mine

And I am this moment

The one that just passed was given up

Theres one more that waits outside the door

Waiting to be adopted

The silence and the stillness

Like a fog in a forest morning

Some thoughts stay with me

Some with that moment by the door

I lay awake........pondering

Splitting up and staying together

All with one string

Over and over and over ....

Happy ----- & Single!!!!!! Unbelievable

I was today for a while in the company of two successful, intelligent & single women. One of them - "A" - is an old friend (much cherished) and the other - "D" - I had met for the first time.

Somehow the conversation steered towards men, relationships, marriage, etc ..etc. They both have known each other for a while. They party together as often as they can. They both are older than I am. A is a beautiful person and is in a new relationship and she has moved into this relationship right after walking out of the last one. There was probably a one month gap. D on the other hand I believe is single and - ready to mingle.

They both are looking forward to settling down. They want to. D said its not cool any more to party and realise that most people her age are married and out of the party circuit. A seconds that opinion. They don't want to come home to an empty house. They want to have someone to share the end of the day with. They want to be taken care of. They want to watch a movie with someone special, candle light dinners, et al. They know that if they get there they will be happy.

I will be their age soon. Will I be thinking the same thoughts. Probably not!

I am happily single. I asked myself why don't I have the same desires. Why don't I look forward to getting into a relationship? There are too many reasons. My life is full. In most ways. S has also asked me the same thing. She said - S... why don't u find someone. And I went blank!!!!

Most of the things that give me happiness are already there with me and most often, I am the only one giving me that. Self dependent! that's what i am. But that's not with a very comfortable reason. I don't take the risk of someone else making me happy. Family and friends are enough.

A said that- u never seem desolate or lonely or sad with the absence of a man in your life.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!

I will marry... when I meet someone who I want to be with and not need to be with...