Wednesday, September 10, 2008

From madness to madness

I fought with S. I am not talking to her. Turns out when I don't talk to her, I can't talk to myself either. Sad! Some fights are good. The blood rushes, you exercise your brain to cooperate with your tongue to get the right words out. And then there are serious fights. Ones that scare the hell out of you. You think, Oh shit! now what! Did she really think that, does she really mean it. Oh man, what will tomorrow be like.

Namaz during ramzan is must. All those years of watching dad pray five times a day. Watching him, give up all his fears and problems to the almighty to solve everyday. All these years, I never followed him. But now its different. Offering namaz reassures me that I am my fathers daughter. He never asked me to follow. And then there is that conversation with god at the end of every prayer. Where I talk, ask, reveal, realise. Where god says - Hmmmmmmmmm..... And I can hear that. It means someone is watching. Every small detail is watched. There is no hiding. You go to god with your conscience and say what you did. My dad is a lucky man, he knew all this for a long time. He never told me. Never forced. Perhaps he wanted me to find out on my own. A window to escape the madness.

1 comment:

Kau Kau goes the Crow said...

Now u r on the threshhold of something here.. Take this strain forward. What does it mean and feel to be urban and discover god/religion/oneself has interesting possibilities.

Gau being on tour gives me time to roam about here so dont look at the time now..