I need to write to know who I am. A weekend tends to bring the need on more fiercely.
I have spent the better part of the day trying not to over eat and reading a book by the title - Life Of Pi - By - Yann Martel.
For months I saw this book on the shelves and picked it up, read the back of it and put it back. I knew I would eventually take it home but something inside kept saying not now. Last weekend, I went to the bookstore to buy my only defense against loneliness... and was surprised by the joy this book brought to me when I picked it off the shelf probably like all the previous times. But something inside was different. A gut feel said, now you must take it home. You are ready for it. I have always believed this to be true. For all the books I have picked up and returned to the shelves un-purchased, is only because I am not prepared for the book. And its not in my mind that I come to this conclusion.
While reading today... while rain fell outside casting shadows on the day... For some unimaginable reason, my mind raced back. Raced back to a time when I must have been 11/ 12 years old. I thought of this beautiful pair of sandals that were bought for me. They were pink and white and were my most prized possession for a while. I could almost smell them as they were when they were new. That moment was so vivid, I could feel the air in the room where I lived, the light as it fell back in that day when I wore these beautiful sandals of mine. They represented something. Class, comfort and beauty. They also gave me a quiet confidence. I can't explain it. I was so fond of them. Why did I think of them today, suddenly while I have never thought of them ever before not even in my teenage years. It was something that had fallen off the memory chart. But I suppose I was wrong. Just thinking of it lifted my mood.
I keep going back to my golden childhood. In moments of loneliness, boredom, stress, anxiety, I keep going back as if to seek comfort.
Maybe I will think of my youth when I am really old the way I am thinking of childhood in my youth now. Yes I will, I already know this.