Thursday, September 13, 2012


I am caught up in the whirlwind of changes... sweeping changes. the ones that are mostly irreversible. For the sucker that I am for the steady unchanging boring life ... i have on my plate the exact opposite. I am aware that I am in transition and like that silly kid who is running after fireflies in the darkened garden, I run in all directions and pause every now and then in wonder and amazement at the sparks I witness. The realization that these moments are fleeting is what makes this exciting.

Decision making is a lonely process. If its not lonely then the decision was not yours. I have made up my mind and started on a road and every now and then self doubt creeps up like that ugly man on the train station whom you didn't notice until he moved towards you looking you straight in the eye and a crooked grin. And you think... he is laughing at you. Well ... even he thinks you are stupid.... and then sanity recovers itself and wears its robe once again to cover the nakedness of doubt and moves on like nothing happened and all of this was just a figment of my imagination.

Every now and then I meet people who have stood with me at some cross road or the other and we've taken different roads. A small pang of regret often surprises me. Which brings me back to the road I've chosen and I tell myself, they too have chosen their own roads and are walking down those roads. I dislike taking decisions that bring consequences I wasn't prepared for. But then you can plan all you want however when the big guy up there gets bored he likes to watch you squirm in your seat thinking what the hell was I thinking and how did I end up here.


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